Beauty

I've never belived that I am beautiful. When someone approaches me, I believe, either that person has an Asian fetish or simply he just wants sex. Life here is like that. Face values are taken to whole new level of extremity. One night stands are as common as smoking on the street. Even with my current boyfriend, if my profile picture had not been beautiful as he said, we would never be together. I believe he has an Asian fetish, but that initial interest would not last long if we had not been so similar. The fact that we kept on talking on fb with each other even though we had never met before signifies that. I feel like "something" when I talk to him. Like someone really has finally looked past that initial beautiful impression to look into my soul and attempt to find "me" (when he pointed at my face and said "You have a fucking huge pimple on your forehead". I know for sure, I've lost my "beauty" lol). Still, I cannot quite myself retain that whole trust. I still don't believe I am beautiful as he says everytime we meet. I always say "No" when he asks "You're beautiful, you know that?". Or when some random guys talk to me and tell me the same thing, I believe they are looking to gain something. I've learnt that my esteem is extremely low. The more someone says I am beautiful, the more I just wanna shove those words onto their face and say "Stop it. Stop saying I'm beautiful for I am not."

In the end, I don't believe it when someone says I'm beutiful. It's just an illusion. The camera created it. The makeup created it. Their own illusion created it.

Or is it just as simple as "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholders" ?