dark stuff.

Is it normal for me to be mentally prepared for the news that my father has just slaughtered the whole family and I would have to go back to VN since he runs away with all the money?

I sincerely hope the End of the World to be true because only like that would he die without me doing anything against the common norms and morals. This family has been nothing but a burden. I sometimes wish to walk away unencumbered like a prodigal and survive this world forgetting the fact that I did have a family.

I wonder how other kids are brought up? In normal scenarios with normal parents I mean? And by normal parents I mean the ones that actually listen and would not be so much of a douchebag? Someone that are worth looking up to and actually teach something helpful about this whole living shit kinda thing?

I wonder if I ever have a family like that, would I stop being so pessimistic about living? Would I stop thinking about suiciding matters and murdering matters?

I swear, the dreams where I singlehandedly kill him is the dreams that have my adrenaline at its highest level and my heart has never failed to pound right out of my chest whenever I wake up from such dreams.


I know the ones who read this blog would somehow understand the feeling. But unlike them, I doubt I would ever learn to forgive.