ngọn gió bay

1. Continue learning to play the guitar. 2. Adopt the habit of playing with rubik cubes. 3. Learn to appreciate the beauty and meaning of heavy metal. 4. Dedicate myself to something wholeheartedly. 5. Use free time more efficiently. 6. Determine a hide-away corner. 7. On the process of dedicating, set aside physical emotions. No crush, no love, don't look at any boys/(girls). 8. Study the art of politics. 9. Stop being a nerd. 10. Stop supressing myself. 11. Read a wide a variety of subjects, not just fiction. 12. Be interesting. 13. Be a rationalist instead of an empiricist. 14. Be a human of great, not just good, things. 15. Succeed the list.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder how rotten my contemplations and soul have become. I wonder where my moral compass is pointing. Have I no more sympathy no more empathy for my kind? The things that I've built up as an aversion from the eyes of people, my barricade to hide, I wonder if it has become the things that rot me to death? I think my soul is reeking quite badly and I've no idea how to fix it. I wonder if it would be better if I stop suppressing myself? If it would be better to just tell someone all? If it would be better if I just bawl my eyes out without fear of embarrassment or pity? It said right. All the smiles and innocent looks and talks, they would rot me to death; would  never be a part out of me again. I would ever get stuck with it. And I can never open my heart, can never trust, can never believe, can never love. Or I wonder if I'm just being too pessimistic that I never would let myself get a chance to speak?